Tyler (@DJStormtrooper): In celebration of Valentine’s Day, the GarbageRollers crew is playing Bed, Wed, Dead (which some of you might know as F***, Marry, Kill) with SWU cards! The goal for each group of three cards is to pick one to get jiggy with, one to spend forever after with, and one to shove out the fifth-floor window.

We’ve got the usual cast of characters with J-names – Jayson (@ImpossibleGerman), and Justin (@Inception). Let’s get picking!

Tyler: First up, we’ve got a trio of powerful villain 7-drops. Cost seven power cards are a well-worn archetype in SWU by now and I’m hoping this won’t be an easy pick for you- all of these are good!

Jayson: This is tough. I have consistently considered Count Dooku one of the most underrated cards in the game, but can I really bring him home to Mom and Dad? Maul has a special place in my heart as a genuine alternative to Vader for lots of decks, and that affection might never be supplanted. Cad is clearly solid, but his When Played also excites me the least. I’m gonna dance with the girl that brung me and go with my gut- Bed Dooku, Wed Maul, Dead Cad.

Justin: Dooku just can’t hang in a bigger card pool when there’s sexier cards to be played at his cost. Cad Bane is a fun time, but I can’t count on him to consistently do things for me. Maul just always does exactly what I want him to, and that’s why we love him. Bed – Cad Bane, Wed – Maul, Dead – Dooku.

Tyler: Tutor is a slang term borrowed from Magic where cards that searched through your deck were literally called Tutors. We got a trio of them in Shadows of the Galaxy – which is best?

Jayson: Tutors? Okay Tyler, like…what is this article? Why are we sexualizing cards, again? Anyway, This Is The Way’s trait dependency is tough to navigate. The other two I don’t really care about. I do love Death Troopers though. Bed Commission, Wed Remnant Reserves, Dead This Is The Way.

Justin: Remnant Reserves never stood a chance. This is the Way is a lot of fun, but Mandos just don’t come out to play often! Commission is a sweetheart, and I wish I was still using that that sweet stew to pull Firesprays. Bed – This is the Way, Wed – Commission, Dead – Remnant Reserves

Tyler: We’ve got three, 3-cost lightsabers in the game that each with a different effect. Which is most useful?

Jayson: General’s Blade seems like the kind of card you’d like to settle down with, but the more you get to know it the more shallow the relationship starts to feel. Jedi Lightsaber, on the other hand, has been faithful for so long that it’s presence feels natural and comfortable.

…dang it, I’m sexualizing the cards again. Bed Fallen Lightsaber, Wed Jedi Lightsaber, Dead General’s Blade.

Justin: There are not many cheap Force units in villainy to let these cards shine. It makes me sad. General’s Blade is a fun trip, but Jedi Lightsaber always presents the meanest of problems for my opponent if I’m playing lightsabers. Tried and true. Bed – General’s Blade, Wed – Jedi Lightsaber, Dead – Fallen Lightsaber.

Tyler: There are Hero leaders in the game whose power level is… lacking. If you had to pick which of these was closest to playability, which is it?

Jayson: This is a terrible decision, but I do have fond memories of when I really believed that Jyn could be great right after she was spoiled. Can nostalgia function as the foundation of a relationship? Do I have commitment issues? Bed Hunter, Wed Jyn, Dead Hunter.

Justin: Nice try Tyler, they’re all dead.

Tyler: Twilight of the Republic gave us a series of legendaries that cost 10+ resources. They all discount in some way, but are they equally playable or unplayable?

Jayson: I hate Invasion of Christophsis and I hate that I had to listen to people be optimistic about it for the better part of a month. I like spaceships. That’s it, that’s the tweet. Bed Gor, Wed Resolute, Dead Invasion.

Justin: Resolute is dead, and I’m going to bed with the Invasion of Gor. (editor’s note- what?)

While I’m still not sure when control decks will play enough units to really count on Invasion, cards like the recently spoiled Trench combined with a particular green base from Twilight of the Republic make me curious. Gor’s a fun ride…in limited! (editor’s note- Gor is Legendary? And you…never answered the question?)

Tyler: Each of these legendaries is currently available on TCG player for a whopping 1 USD. Would you rather have these or a McDonald’s cheeseburger? In what order?

Jayson: The only emotions I feel towards these cards is resentment towards pulling them. I pulled several Planetary Invasion and the primary effect it’s had on me is a desire to buy less product. Why you bringing up old stuff, Tyler? Bed Endless Legions, Wed Rule With Respect, Dead, Dead Planetary Invasion.

Justin: Bed – Endless Legions, Wed – Rule with Respect, Dead – Planetary Invasion

It’s all about the implications.

Tyler: There’s a subset of units out there that take the “two steps forward, one step back” approach to the costing chart. If you had to draft them, how do they rank?

Jayson: I wish Jesse had found a shell. I really had high hopes for him. We haven’t seen each other in forever but I still think about those early days after we met a lot. Republic trait decks. Testing if he helped Sabine. Long fall afternoons spent gazing into each other’s eyes as we thought about our future. We even talked about floorplans, so carefree about the road ahead. Ah, young love. It was a different time. Maybe in another life I could have loved him, but the fortunes of fate are tied to chemistry and timing. Perhaps we had one but not the other.

…wait, we’re still doing this? Bed Jesse, Wed Val, Dead Evazan.

Justin: Dr. E was fun for some of the set 2 meta, then we kept finding more and more ways to punish him. This short fling is now immortalized in the coasters won by the PQ players of Set 2. Val hasn’t seen a ton of play, but she’s been solid where she has. I just don’t trust Clankers. Bed – Evazan, Wed – Val, Dead – Jessie.

Tyler: Don’t lie to me and tell me you have strong opinions on these.

Jayson: Why are you like this?

Justin: You know who has opinions about Kragan Gorr? KTOD.

Tyler: Each of these cards could have been a player in competitive decks if they hadn’t been saddled with “non-leader” verbiage. Squad Support especially pains me since I really wanted Rex to be a thing. Given where they’re at today, which would you keep?

Jayson: I freaking hate it here. Bed Imprisoned, Wed Squad Support, Dead Grim Resolve.

Justin: In my isolation, I will know I chose correctly as the fiery death of these 3 cards keeps me warm.

Tyler: Let’s end with everyone’s favorite refrigerator-sized furball. Which Chewie do you want to snuggle?

Jayson: If you’re a SWU content creation team looking for writers, I am available. Please email me at jayson1717@aol.com

Justin: Bed – Chewbacca, Wed – Chewbacca, Dead – Chewbacca.

Chewbacca never stood a chance.

What’s not to love about this Chewbacca?

This Chewbacca was a fun fling.

Jayson: It doesn’t even have to be SWU, actually. I’ll write about Yu Gi Oh. jayson1717@aol.com

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Thanks for joining us for our Valentine’s Day special! Check back later in the week for more content and check out our YouTube for the latest in playthrough videos with Jump to Lightspeed!

Jayson: call me